Too Much To Handle.

Everytime I think that I've finally prepared myself to let go and move on, all of it starts flooding back again. Like a flood caused by a broken dam. Life's good huh? Well, I'm happy for those of you who is leading a good and happy one. You may say that it is inevitable we go through all this pain and shit. Yes, you're right. Its inevitable. But in my case, I think that it is simply too much for me to handle. I honestly thought I could juggle everything around perfectly but it looks like I am wrong.

Maybe I have been lying to myself all these while to say that I am fine and things will be fine. Cause deep down, I know that I am not fine and things are not fine. Things will be fine I know. In fact, most of you would say that time would heal. Even I know that. But the question is when? When will the time come exactly? Although it has just been a few days, it already feels like a lifetime. Every single day, I would ask myself the same question. When will all these come to an end? When will I stop feeling the way I am feeling?

I'm starting to question myself a lot lately. I can hardly find my self-esteem. It seems to be lost in the wilderness. Did I ask for all of these to happen to me? No. Do I like what is happening? No. Is this fun? Hell no. It doesn't take a genius to figure out all this I guess.

Its such a turn off to go through all these. I understand all your concerns and I honestly thank you all for it. But there is one thing you should know which is you wouldn't know what it is like to be going through all these things unless you've been through it yourself. Honestly. So quit asking me to let go and move on or to think about anything else or whatever it may be. I don't mean it in a bad way. I hope you understand. All these things are just said so effortlessly without realising the real meaning of doing so and what it takes to do so. It is definitely easier said than done in this matter. Who knew it would suck this bad lah? No one.

I really do hope I'm not falling into depression.

I need a turning point in life cause I really don't know how long more I can take this.

Fml.

I told myself never again. Never. Once is more than enough. One more time and I'd be dead.