I think that I have overestimated myself over the years. Wonder why? Honestly, I've been wondering why too and I've questioned myself why is it so. Which brought me to a conclusion that this is probably because life was so easy going at the early stage of my life. Up till now. When I start to really have a taste of what life really is like and about. Full with its never ending ups and downs. Just in case you're wondering, I do know that life is not a bed of roses since young but its just that I never imagined life being this tough.
Well, there is no warning about what is ahead of us in life, is there? It would be nice to have one though. At least it prepares you for the worst and wouldn't have your world tumbling and crashing down all at once at the end of the day.
Nevertheless, growing up with the different circles of people around me has somewhat opened my eyes and gave me a glimpse of all the possibilities that might take place in life. Ironically, when I was younger and spectating the various people I know of going through the struggles of life with my own pair of eyes, I told myself that I am strong enough to pull through whatever situation life throws at me in the near future. And surely, the little things that happened a few years back was handled just fine. I get over things before I even have the time to think about it. Everything is brushed aside so easily.
Little did I know. *drum rolls* After a few years and living the present day, everything seems so different from what I expected and ever dreamed of. I come to realise that I am very vulnerable emotionally. God knows how fast my emotions change. Its faster than guys changing their underwear. No joke. I actually find how my emotions vary within seconds really scary myself. Not a proud thing that ought to be announced to the whole world but I accept my weakness. The funny part here is that I used to think of myself as this 'happy-go-lucky' kind of person and everything in life is a breeze. However, thinking it through now, I have to admit that the once upon a time 'happy-go-lucky' person I used to be has vanished and I am stupid enough to think that life is just a breeze no matter how bitter and ugly things can get. How naive of me.
Sadly, I think that I have disappoint myself as well with the way I cope with life nowadays. I believe that if I am living the life I used to live or be the person I used to be, I'd really be optimistic about every damn situation and know that I'll be able to go through it just fine. Like nothing ever happened. But lately, I doubt that capability and optimism of mine. Been trying all these while but nothing seems to be happening and I'm not barging a single inch but being stuck at the same spot for months now. I know that I am on the verge of giving up to continue trying but I told myself that the people around me wouldn't want to see me like this. Thankfully, there is something to motivate to try to look at the brighter side of things and continue trying even though the progress is really really slow. Even a tortoise pace is faster than my progress. =="
All I can say is that I am living a bittersweet life now. Hopefully, life gets better along the way although the chances are really slim. If life was easy, it wouldn't be called life right? Or that is how I'd like to think of it. :)
You left, and you took the best part of me with you.
I wish I could find that part of me again after you walked right out of my life.
But knowing how things work, it could only be found again if you were around.
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