Letters To You - # 18

Dear J,

How are you? How are things getting along there? Are you doing well there? Are you adapting well there? Have you been eating and resting well? How are the people there? These are the many few questions that I constantly ask and replay in my mind throughout the day. There are just so much I want to know and ask you but having known that I won't get any answer to my questions can be pretty agonising. Nonetheless, it is nice to hear from you again just now although I wasn't gonna expect to hear anything from you until tomorrow because you said that you wouldn't have an access to wifi at all for two days. But of course it is nicer to hear from you sooner than later.

It is good to know that the people there are treating you well. It is a relieve to know that you are fine though you're left bruised. It is nice to know that you're getting along well with the whole group of people that you went there with. It is consoling to know that you are having fun there. And as much as I wouldn't admit to being jealous or anything, it is cool to know that many girls have an eye for you there. Okay, maybe not cool at all but... Oh well. Though one thing for sure is that you are mine and mine alone. Nobody in the world can have a piece of you. I repeat, nobody. I don't know why but I get touchy about this topic everytime it surfaces. :( Not that I am being insecure but I just don't like the thought of it. *wails like there is no tomorrow* At least I know that everything is going on well on your side and that is good enough for me. To know that you're safe and sound.

My day hasn't been a great one today. It has been a rather long day and I am actually really tired from it all. I had to wake up at 6 something this morning because Thursdays suck and I have to attend an 8 o' clock class. Speaking of which, I have been out since 7 in the morning. Life in uni is pretty much the same old stuff. Though I actually learnt something new today - crocheting. The main reason I had to pick this up is because we are meant to come up with our engineering project prototype in two weeks time and we are no where close to done because 3/4 of the group members are just plainly of no use. With that said, it is only my Vietnamese girl friend and I who are expected to be crocheting the recycled plastic bag which will then be used to build our final prototype. I must say that I am doing a pretty good job because I spent most of my time doing it and I have been progressing quite well since then. Anyway, that was my Workshop Session for Engineering. Soon later, it was my Physics lab and we did some experiment on waves. And nothing much happened after that. Just more Physics classes until it is time for me to pack and go home. However, I was supposed to be working today and so I did. I went to my brother's office to follow him back or rather, for him to drop me at work and in the end hijacking his car for myself. Work was really tiring today. There were a lot of customers considering the fact that it is a weeknight and there were only the four of us so you can imagine how I was running around non-stop. I know I told you this earlier but I nearly slipped and fall. Thank God I didn't but I may have strain my back again. Nothing to worry though cause I'm taking my meds and they're working so far so I'll just have to continue until it is all well. :) Needless to say, I came home after work and I showered (also found myself sitting on the floor of the shower for a good 5 minutes or more with the water running) and soon was plopped in front of my laptop. Finished my part on my Management group assignment and here I am now, writing to you. I hope you didn't fall asleep reading about my day because it tends to get mundane and stereotypical after a while.

Anyway, you were being a little doubtful about us again at some point of our conversation just now. I know that they way I replied you at first probably wasn't what you expected it to be but I was really tired myself actually since I got off work but I was looking forward to you at the same time. So, that pretty much explains my lack of attention in my first few replies. And I am sorry if I sounded uninterested or moody. I just want to take this opportunity to reinstate what I told you earlier. I am not your ordinary girl whom you fall for okay? I will go through the storms with you. I will fight for you. I will reassure you when you're insecure. I will walk by your side through thick and thin. I will comfort you when you're distressed. I will be your extra pair of eyes, ears and hands. I will be whatever it takes for me to be just so you be you. I know that times get tough at times and sometimes our past experiences allows our mind and thoughts to be clouded but please have faith in me? I know that I have been trying my very best to prove to you that I would never leave you under any circumstances or that the feelings I have for you would easily fade away even though we may not talk often and I hope that you won't feel this way anymore. I will blatantly say that it hurts when this happens because it honestly makes me feel as if I haven't done a good job at proving to you and showing you that my feelings for you and all that I have for you will not cease. Once again, I am not forcing you to trust me at one go but one inch of trust a day is good enough for me whilst I play my role in showing that all I have for you is genuine and will not be broken.

I guess I will have to put a fullstop here. I might have to get up early again tomorrow and it is currently 0220 hours right now already. I know this is a pretty short post and I'm just bringing up things that you've heard for a million times already but these are the gist of all that is in my mind. And I just want to share my thoughts and mind with you. So yea. I will write to you again soon alright? I hope that you will dream sweet dreams and sleep really soundly tonight. :)

I love you.
xx